The first time I used botox I wasn’t even mature enough to have wrinkles. Unfortunately, it was for an even more embarrassing problem: extreme perspiration caused by changing hormonal levels . It took me one treatment and 800 dollars to realize that I would never do it again. I wanted to sit it out and stay natural for as long as possible, preferably at least until the age of 40. Sure.

A little over a month ago and twelve wrinkle-free years later, there I was in the waiting room at a clinic with dry armpits and on the verge of undergoing a similar treatment, but then it was actually what it was meant for: the fight against deterioration of the physical appearance. Recently quit but having been a smoker since the age of 18, the effects are clearly visible in multiple areas. Plus, the fact that my resting face looks like I’m having a bad day all the time and raises serious questions about my well-being doesn’t exactly help. I once asked a friend how a sunny person like me could have a face that didn’t exactly represent my personality. “There are exercises you can do to become more aware of your facial expressions. You can easily find them online.” Did you just say line? Really..?

Like you wouldn’t see a gym without fit, good-looking staff and a dentist without a perfect set of teeth, I imagined the doctor to be an educated, kind-looking man, aged gracefully over time. Well, she wasn’t a man, she must have been educated since she was also a general practitioner, but I couldn’t quite decide if she aged gracefully. Or at all. Do buyers in this field also get freebies..?

I sat down in a very comfortable chair – like one of those that should be in every movie theater, or in your own home just for the hell of it – and explained to her I was interested in undergoing the treatment. Her face was frozen, but I could tell by the twinkle in her eyes she couldn’t wait to get started. She could instantly tell which areas definitely needed some work– say what? – which needed a little less attention – thank goodness – and my favorite: which needed fillers besides botox to prolong the effect “Since I did turn 30 and from now on the only way would be down”. Now, I had made the conscious decision to sit there and I was prepared for some pointers but I definitely didn’t see that one coming. I politely responded that I would not go the whole nine yards on a first try, “Since I didn’t want to look like Nicole Kidman 4.0 at the age of 30″. She gave me a smile – sort of – and gathered the supplies.

The procedure didn’t exactly feel like a warm hug, but I immediately felt better, more confident almost, when I walked out the door. In the two weeks that followed I slowly began to feel the inability to frown until the point I no longer could. The vertical line engraved between my eyebrows didn’t completely fade away, but the fact I couldn’t frown at all didn’t go unnoticed. Some would ask if I had good days on a regular basis or thought I finally fell in love again, some didn’t see a bit of a difference while others suspected – and asked – if I had something done to my face that made me look the way that I did. Ha, nobody expects the botox inquisition.
I began to wonder if the results of the procedure were actually visible. Maybe the lines faded because I had begun drinking more water? Maybe the idea of having had botox made me feel more confident and therefore show it? Was this idea really worth 150 dollars then?

I guess I’ll find out in about 3 months, when the substance starts to dissolve. I will know for sure if or when people come up to me asking questions about my well-being.